My Heart is Just Too Big4:45 PM
I am an emotional person. I don't just mean that I'm weepy and sappy, although I am. I used to cry when I left for summer camp-- It was only a week long, but I knew I would miss my family. Once the goodbyes were over, I was fine. I just have a lot of love in me and my emotions are usually intense. If it deals with Milo, JR, or my Daddy, I am extremely emotional. So anytime we go home for a visit and have to say goodbye, everyone knows the waterworks are coming. My dad is the worst. I could Ugly cry saying goodbye to him if I let myself. You know what I mean. I just love him so much. No, Im not sucking up. He doesn't even read my blog. I cried when I went home recently and saw my brother Joe. He looked so grown up....like a man. And I was bummed I couldn't be around to know him better.
This is me and my brother's signature photo pose. Sometimes I make the kissy face too.
This was the day before I went into labor with Milo.
When I gave birth to Milo I don't think I cried.... I think it was exhaustion from the 29 hour labor. But I have done plenty of catching up. I just feel overwhelmed with love sometimes and I want Milo to know how much she means to me. I have a feeling, however, that she wont know until she has a baby of her own. Having a child is just such a wonderful thing. It's not all butterflies and rainbows (See this post) But it's amazing. God has designed women as powerful, strong, intuitive, and loving all wrapped into a nice pretty package. We are much more than Mommy, but have been made to do the job wonderfully. I didn't think I would be one of those moms. You know, the super sappy, over-emotional, sentimental Stepford Mom. But here I am--loving every minute of motherhood and being my own version of a wonderful mom.
Recently, I was bathing with Milo.....Yes, I bathe with my daughter and it's one of my favorite bonding and play-times.... Anyway, we were bathing and Milo just rested her head on my knee and looked at me as I rinsed her hair. She never sits still. I started talking to her telling her how much I loved her and how much she means to me. I told her all the things I loved about her.
You always give me such pretty smiles.
You are so beautiful
....and you share your food with me
...and you snuggle in bed and take naps with me
...you have the same hair I did when I was a baby. Yes you do. Its so cute
...and you always play so nice with other babies and share your toys.
You give yourself kisses in the mirror and give mommy and daddy kisses too.
I hope that you grow up to be confident in who you are...
because you are my favorite little girl...
perfect just the way you are.
I pray that you are loving and level-headed.
and that you know how much I love you...
I know you don't know what those words mean...
but I hope you feel it in my cuddles and kisses....
...Its at this point that I hear my voice shake and I realize I am crying. Milo is just staring at me. I smile and She smiles back and giggles and just gets back to her playing. It was such a nice brief moment.
And then back to the craziness of motherhood :)